Improvement

Monday 12th March 2011.

Quite the day this. Today I start on a radical, momentous voyage of self improvement. Say adios forever to the old blubbery guy with the love of salty snacks and gin. Usher in the new uber Al. 

3.15pm today I attend for induction into a new gym. 

We are off to the Amalfi coast (July 20th)

This leaves me with a window of activity.

4.3 months. 


18 weeks. 


130 days.


94 Weekdays.

 An artist's impression yesterday of the new me.

No more will I have sand kicked in my face by puny women. No more will freckly 12 year old herberts and neds steal my Cornetos. 

I shall be ripped, buffed and pulchritudinous.

When I get off that plane I will be carved out of wood. Waxed shoulders, fully trimmed of all nasal and ocular hair, hydrated, titrated and firing on all cylinders. 

I will be moisturised and totally optimised.

Many of you may well have heard similar from my lips before. Suppress your cynicism and prepare yourself for the phoenix of Gruneisen gardens to emerge.

The details;

6' 5" Tall

Chest: 46"

Weight: 16st 4lbs

BMI : (TBC) This puts my tent firmly pitched in fat camp.

I aim to reach: 15st and fit into a 36" waist comfortably (without constantly holding my breath like a victorian bridesmaid trying to stay conscious in a lacey corset)

I solemnly pledge:

To walk to work each morning. 

Attend gym at least 3 times per week.

No booze.

Reduce chip and pizza action.

No crisps or chocolate.

Regular walks by the river (ideally wearing a wool cap pitched at a jaunty angle).

As this extremely average blog becomes bloated and ungainly so shall I shrink, streamline and tighten.

*Sound of royal courtyard long-trumpetty things*